“Grandma, my dolly’s really sick.”
Grandma took my hand, and off we went to her pantry where she opened a pale grey cupboard door. The “medicine”, actually cinnamon red hots in cognito, sat besides jars of linament and bottles of aspirin.
“Here, honey girl. One for you and one for Thumbelina.”
Actually, two for me.
Everyone felt much better….for the next ten minutes or so until my baby doll got fussy again.
It’s been years since I thought of that little game I used to play with Grandma. How does something that now feels so vivid surface into my awareness? That probably will always be a mystery to me.
Here’s what I was doing when it popped back into my head.
This morning I was standing in my quiet, softly lit kitchen. It was still dark outside, and I had Christmas music playing in the background. I was about to tackle making my ‘Christmas tree cookies.’ They’re basically a spritz or pressed cookie that sometimes are a bit tricky. Since Jordan was a toddler, he’s loved them. He and his wife are coming home tonight to spend the weekend with us, and I wanted to have a batch of them made.
My mind was cluttered. I’ve been busy. Even though I’ve been tending to the things that God has asked me to do, I’ve had to be extremely organized and planful so as to be prepared for what is next. I think this is the first time that I have made a list that actually included “Make Jordan’s Christmas Trees – Thurs. AM.
What makes this feel complicated is that I am so desirous of being present with what is actually at hand. I thought I’d been doing that pretty well, but I was second guessing myself as I pressed cookie after cookie onto the cookie sheet. Had I been going through the motions more than is healthy for me?
I began to pray through my day ahead. After cookies, I was meeting two girlfriends I serve with for breakfast. Then I was heading to Chicago to pick up Debralyn for Christmas break. (HURRAH!) Then I was taking Joshua to his voice lessons. Then I was going to put the finishing touches on my neighborhood Christmas coffee that I’m hosting tonight (That’s another story). I also want to make sure I have supper ready so we have at least a few moments to connect as a family before my neighbors come. Did I mention that Jordan and Jacqui are coming too for the weekend?
So, as I preliving my day, I was praying that I would be present with each of these precious people. After all, that’s what matters the most. Seriously, I know I don’t lay awake at night regretting not getting something done. I regret when I’m not present.
That’s when I remembered my grandma and our little red hot game. I wonder now what she was in the middle of doing when I cried out for her help for my sick doll. But, I do remember that with her I never felt like I was interrupting or in the way. I do remember her touch and her tenderness as she was able to enter my little girl’s world and give me what Thumbelina and I needed. She was present. She didn’t say that dollies don’t get sick. She didn’t say that cinnamon red hots won’t help. She was with me. And Thumbelina and I both felt much better because of her ‘in the moment’ presence.
That’s how I want to be. I could almost feel myself become more present even with the task of making those little cookies and crowning each one with a red hot. It became a holy moment. I knew that God had given me that memory so I could offer that touch to the people in my life.
I couldn’t help but smile as the words to “Do You Hear What I Hear?” filled the room. Of course that would be the song to accompany my prayer.
Yes God. I am listening and I am hearing You as I enter into this joy filled day.
Linda, this is a great post. Thanks for the reminder to be present with the people in our lives (especially our kids, that’s a rough one for me). You’re a great writer!
Thanks Faith. What struck me as I wrote this was that God even allowed me to embrace this ‘memory’ more deeply as my children are coming home today.
Thanks Faith. Praying for great gifts of your ‘presence’ to those around you this Christmas.
Beautiful and inspiring. I’m trying to be present to the moment. It’s not easy during busy seasons.
I have a hunch you do it too….
Thanks for this Linda. I will take this with me as I enter into a 3-day weekend full of preparation for my family as we join together next week. We are of kindred spirit I would say (as Anne of Green Gables would say).
Let every heart prepare Him room,
Deb
Yes we are kindred spirits. That’s why I love watching how you engage with your family. Enjoy!!
Linda, this is truly beautiful.
In something I was reading recently (wish I could remember where) someone was talking about memories from the distant past becoming more and more vivid the older he got. I wonder…is this true for all memories or only the ones where someone took the time to stop and “hear” us, be truly with us, allowing two souls to touch?
May we all have ears to hear, hearts to hold, and the presence of spirit to slow down and see the holy moments we so often overlook.
So happy for you to have the loves of your heart surrounding you this weekend.
And how did you get your blog page to SNOW? Love that!
I know I’ll be pondering why certain memories pop up at certain times. For now, I am grateful for my most recent one and pray I’m planting memories that will pop up for others when they need them. And the snow…well last year WordPress offered the option and evidently I still get it this year. Maybe it will inspire the outside to snow.
Thank you for the reminder, Linda, since I’ll be baking all day with my mom. I’m sure that I will have a few ‘interruptions’ throughout the day – grateful for this opportunity to see them as “Sabbeth bells” and open myself in each moment! Thank you also for helping me to make another rich connection with an old song “Do you hear what I hear?” I pray that I hear His voice often, asking me those questions!
Right now He’s painting me a masterpiece, as I enjoy my coffee and your blog in front of my picture window: peacefully falling snow sugar-coating a majestic Blue Spruce and the occasional visit from a hungry chick-a-dee at the feeder.
Thank you for sharing your gift!
What a precious gift to bake with your mom today. I love the visual of ‘Sabbath bells!’ The snow this morning is simply perfect.
I remembered where I read about memories from the distant past becoming more and more real…Mr. Lorry in A Tale of Two Cities when he reveals his heart to Sydney Carton about regretting never having married. Whew!
Linda, you are touching so many of us with your gift!
Precious!
This was beautiful for me to read. For the past couple months I have often been “running, running, running,” always on to the next thing. And as you said, I am always thinking about the next thing so that it’s difficult to just be “present.” Thanks for putting your struggle in words that I couldn’t really find for myself!
What an awesome time in your life to realize this tension. I’ll pray that you can be ‘present.’ Your longing is the doorway to just that.